


a moment in-between

by angelcult



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Dialogue Light, Ghosts, i guess, nonlinear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:21:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21526672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelcult/pseuds/angelcult
Summary: Evan and Zoe go for a midnight drive, in which nothing makes sense.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	a moment in-between

Tired hands languidly traced over a paper, a  _ letter _ , and a bead of blood bubbled up from where the paper cut into the thin skin of Evan’s finger.

He made no move to clean it away, just watched it as it filled too much before gravity acted and it dripped down his finger. 

There was a figure in the corner of his eye who did not belong, but would not cease to exist. 

There was a beep outside, sudden and loud and Evan flinched, jumping away from the noise. The beeping was insistent and loud and out of fear that the neighbors would call the police or even worse, his mom, he wiped his hand off on his pants and quickly made his way down to the front door.

When he swung it open, the honking stopped and the yellow car in the driveway struck him with confusion. It was Zoe Murphy, she was in his driveway at eleven on a Friday night. 

He shut his door behind him, walking to the window of the passenger seat. Upon the window rolling down, he spoke before he could stop to think about the words.

“Zoe? What, uh, w-what’re you doing here?” Quickly realizing how the words sounded, he quickly backtracked. “Not that I don’t want you here! I just, I don’t know why..” He trailed off at the sound of her amused laughter, her tired eyes drilling into him, it was uncomfortable (but another part of his head supplied the word  _ arousing  _ and he wondered if he was spending too much time with Jared)

The faded blue streaks in her hair seemed to glow in the misdirected light of the street lamps.

“We’re going on a drive, come on. I think we deserve it.” She said it with a smile but her voice was tired, there was something wrong, but wasn’t there always something wrong?

Zoe’s brother died, Evan was lying to her about his relationship with Connor, maybe they really  _ did  _ need a break. 

He got in the car.

Evan has been in Zoe’s car many times before, it always smells like vanilla cupcakes, there was a little scented pine tree on the rear view mirror. 

Pulling out of the driveway, Evan wondered if the silence was really as awkward as he was making himself believe or if he and Zoe just needed  _ silence _ . 

No lies, no crying, just quiet. 

If Evan looked into the rear view, he saw Connor, pale and sickly and there.

He looked out the window instead. 

“Don’t you ever want to get away from it all?” She asked, looking at him for a moment before rolling the windows down.

Wind vacuumed into the car, it snatched Evan’s breath from his chest, he couldn’t breathe, he was suffocating but for once, the inability to breathe he usually associated with panic was welcomed.

He didn’t mind, and if he saw Connor’s ghost smile at him briefly, he didn’t mind that either.

Zoe, however, she was so beautiful with the wind blowing her hair back, the cold air that was stinging her cheeks and burning them red.

The bags under her eyes seemed darker, her grip on the wheel was tight, and she was pushing the gas. Faster and faster, if Evan closed his eyes, he’d get dizzy.

He’d get dizzy and nostalgic, this sneaking out without even locking the front door was a sick caricature of the  _ typical teen life _ .

Teens that didn’t worry if the lie they were telling would come crashing down, or about the ghosts in the back seat of a car, or if the wind would suffocate them. 

“Did you love him?” Zoe asked, looking unphased by the wind that should have left her speechless. 

Evan glanced in the rear view once more, saw those pale and angry eyes that suddenly just looked so, so tired.

“Yes.” He kept his voice steady as he said it, he hoped that she believed him, because he couldn’t even believe himself.

Zoe nodded, and it was private, it was something Evan wasn’t meant to see when she glanced in the rear view just as he did, staring into the empty backseat.

“I really loved him too.”

When she said it, Evan thinks, he got a glimpse of emotion he wasn’t meant to be a part of, it wasn’t for him, and he looked back out the window. 

“Want to go get ice cream?” She asked after they fell into a sort of silence, and Evan nodded, smiling softly at her.

His mom would be home by the time he got back, and this blanket of teenage angst that had fallen over him would be gone, nothing left but an anxious mess.

The car slowed, the vacuum of wind was gone and Evan’s cheeks, nose and ears were red, burned from the harsh wind. Zoe’s hair was a mess, it was everywhere and suddenly the bags under her eyes matched her less-than put together look.

_ “Don’t kiss her,”  _ Connor murmurs, closer to Evan than he should have been in the backseat of a moving car, but what did he have to worry about? 

_ “I don’t want to watch you kiss my sister.”  _ He added, voice soft and thin and muffled, like an old VHS tape. 

It all felt so nonsensical and not real, not quite right. Like Evan was disassociating but he knew that he wasn’t, he was just dizzy from the lack of oxygen, he was dizzy from the smell of vanilla cupcakes and water (from Connor’s skin, wasn’t it raining the night he died?). 

_ Zoe  _ was making him dizzy, she was so pretty in the moonlight and the odd glow of the street lamps.

They got ice cream from the Dairy Queen drive through, neither wanted to get out of the car, lest it would break the weird bubble they put around themselves.

Zoe got an Oreos blizzard and Evan stuck with vanilla.

They drove back to his house in silence, his mom’s car was in the driveway

As they pulled into the driveway, Evan looked at Zoe, trying hard not to let his feelings show too much on his face, to let that love make itself known, and he spoke as clearly as he could. 

“I.. Thank you for tonight, Zoe, I uhm, I really, I really liked spending it with you.. I hope you’re okay.” 

She didn’t respond for a moment, and then she sort of nodded, like she wasn’t really there, and Evan understood without words.

When he was on his doorstep, he tried to pretend he didn’t see the way Connor’s eyes followed him or the way he turned to Zoe like it was truly her he wanted to see him so wholeheartedly.

Maybe it was.

Maybe Connor’s hope, maybe  _ everyone’s hope  _ was pinned on Zoe. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> inspo from the song Graveyard Whistling


End file.
